Stewards Newsletter

February 2018


Hope you all had a Happy and Peaceful Christmas. My great grandson arrived in a great hurry on the 23rd December and with my Canadian family here for Christmas it was a very happy time. We enjoyed meeting 3 different Father Christmas’s and they were all absolutely wonderful.

I always enjoy the “run up” to Christmas. We had a very enjoyable Turkey & Tinsel Holiday at the beginning of December. It was Christmas Comes Early, starting with Christmas Eve the day we arrived, then Christmas Day, Boxing Day and finally New Years Eve. Lovely Christmas food and Christmas entertainment. I can never get enough turkey and mince pies and I love Carol services. We had one at the hotel and there were some wonderful ones here on the island.

I did my usual thing this year when the presents were being opened – I put a box in the middle of the floor for unwanted Christmas presents for our Tombola - didn’t get very much I’m afraid but when I went to my hairdressers after Christmas, Julia had 2 bags of lovely prizes that she had collected for me. This will be a great start for our Easter Tombola, so if you had anything that you did not want, there is a good home waiting for it in Reception.

I didn’t have time to watch much TV over Christmas, but my favourite film was “Mrs Caldicott’s Cabbage War,” starring Pauline Collins and I managed to watch this.


A department store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may choose a husband from among many men. The store has 6 floors and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. A woman goes to the store to find a husband . On the first floor the sign on the door reads, “Floor 1 – these men have jobs.” The woman reads the sign and says to herself. “Well that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” so up she goes. The second floor sign reads, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The woman says, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes and the third floor sign reads, “These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.” “That’s better, but I wonder what’s upstairs?” The sign on the fourth floor reads, “These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.” “Wow”, she says, “very tempting but there must be more farther up.” Up she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads “These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a romantic streak.” “That’s wonderful, but I must see what’s waiting for me further up.” The sign on the sixth floor reads, “You are visitor 6,975,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor solely exists as proof that women ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE.”


Bill Kenwright presents a lavish new West End production of “The Sound of Music” and the UK tour starts in the spring. I have booked 50 excellent seats in the stalls for the matinee performance on Thursday 8th March at The Kings Theatre in Southsea. The coach will depart from the road outside Hayling Park at 1pm and the cost including the coach will be £38. Bookings are open now at the Centre. Tania, Brian and myself are looking to find another coach company and hopefully they will be more reliable than the previous Coach Company. Please book early in order to avoid disappointment.

QUIZ TIME and this one is entitled “FIRSTS”. Closing date will be Monday 26th February at 10am – you have to be in it to win it!

Here are just some of the weird and wonderful facts in a new book compiled by the team behind the QI TV series.

The House of Commons Speaker John Bercow has a cat called ORDER.

A group of Ladybirds is called a “LOVELINESS.”

The British eat more ONIONS than the French.

SWEARING uses a different part of the brain to other speech.

Identical twins live LONGER than non-identical twins.

The WINE in a £5 bottle of wine is worth 47p (the rest goes on the cost of glass, labelling, transport, tax etc).

There was a very religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the Confessional, she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The Priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The Priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.” The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?” “No”, the Priest replied, “but it will wipe the smile off your face.”

Valentines Day on the 14th February and I hope we all get a few cards!

Best Wishes,

Cathy Kennealy