Stewards Newsletter

February 2019


Hallo and welcome to our February News. Forget Brexit, the early Sunday morning News, 2 days after the Duke of Edinburgh had his accident, opened with the news that the Duke of Edinburgh had been stopped by the Police on the Saturday (driving his brand new Rover), because he was driving without a seat belt and the fact that the Police had given him “some words of advice.” Do you think that the Police drew lots as to which one of them would tell him? I must say, since writing the above, Prince Phillip has written a letter of apology to the passenger who was injured. Let’s be really kind, he was obviously in a state of shock because it certainly looked as if it could have been a far worse accident.

Some factoids that I hope you will find interesting.

When the Golden Globes took place in Hollywood in January, 9,000 glasses of Champagne were served to the nominees – that’s nearly £70,000 worth of Moet & Chandon. (I am quite happy with 2 glasses of Prosecco).

Sticking with alcohol, there were 95,820 licensed pubs in England in 1840 – but just 48,350 in the whole of the UK in 2017.

After being slated by the Critics in the UK, Kenneth Graham’s “The Wind in the Willows” made it into the US bookshelves at the insistence of President Roosevelt, a fan of the author. I have it on my Kindle and never tire of listening to it.

The National Trust was founded in January in 1895 with just 100 members. There are now 4 million.

EXCURSIONS All excursions, as detailed in the attachment to the January News, are now open for booking. Please also check the Notice Boards.

This is a reminder of the next 3 Excursions:-

MAMA MIA (LONDON)   Thursday 28th February



On Saturday 2nd March from 2pm to 4pm it’s the Table Top Sale and of course the best Tombola on the Island (thanks to all the contributions you give us. Search out all the not wanted Christmas presents please). Book your table as soon as possible.

On Tuesday 16th April at 10.00am it will be the Stewards Easter Coffee. Delicious cakes (including my favourite Simnel cake) from Margaret and of course a Raffle.

A brunette goes to see her Doctor and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the Doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger and presses on her elbow and screams in agony. She presses her knee and screams, presses her ankle and screams and so it goes on. Everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The Doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?! She says, “No, I dyed my hair, I’m naturally blonde.” “I thought so,” says the Doctor. “Your finger is broken.”


For your information, I am attaching a copy of the Havant Borough Council’s Parking Order which will be displayed in the Car Park as from the 1st February. Study it carefully to make sure you are familiar with the rules. To confirm, the Community Centre still have a free car park.

I think this is what is called a “Shaggy Dog Story.”

Forrest Gump died and he was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter. The gates were closed but St Peter said to him, “Its good to see you Forrest, I have heard a lot about you, but we have had to administer a short Entrance Examination Test for everyone because this place is filling up fast and you have to pass it before you are allowed into Heaven.” Forrest replied “Nobody told me about a test so I hope it isn’t too hard, life was a big enough test as it was.” St Peter said, “Yes, I know, but the test is only 3 questions.

First Question: What 2 days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second Question: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third Question: What is God’s first name?”

Forrest leaves to think the questions over and returns the next day. St Peter greeted him and says, “Now that you have had time to study the questions, tell me your answers.” Forrest says, “The first one is an easy one, that would be Today and Tomorrow.” St Peter’s eyes opened wide and he said, “That’s not the answer I was thinking of but you have a point, so I’ll give you credit for that.” “The second one was not so easy but its got to be 12 - January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…” “Hold it,” St Peter said. “I see where you’re going with this although it wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but I will accept it.” St Peter said, “What’s the third and final answer?” “Sure” said Forrest, “it’s Andy.” “Andy?” exclaims an exasperated St Peter. “I can understand how you came up with the first 2 but how on earth did you come up with Andy as the first name of God?” “That was the easiest one of all,” replied Forrest. “I learnt it from the song, ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.” St Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said, “Run Forrest, Run.” 


Valentine’s Day on the 14th so I am hoping for at least one card.

First Quiz of the year is going to be a Crossword and the closing date will be 10.00am on the 25th February – Good Luck.

Some words of wisdom from our Diaries.

“There is nothing on this earth more prized than true friendship.” (Thomas Aquinas)

“Once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you will start to have positive results.” (Willie Nelson).

Best Wishes, 

Cathy Kennealy