Stewards Newsletter

September 2017

Hard to believe it is September and we have had the last Bank Holiday until Christmas. I can now let you know that the amount of profit made at our Summer Party was a clear £1,000.00 despite the fact that because of the weather everything had to take place indoors – this total included our 2 Tombola stalls that made £292.00, thanks to all the wonderful gifts and soft toys that you donated to us. A date for your diary – the next Table Top Sale will be our Christmas one on the 2nd December from 2 til 4pm and we will be having a Tombola Stall then.   

CONCERT IN AID OF THE COMMUNITY CENTRE ON 14TH OCTOBER AT 7.30pm. This will be performed by the Portsmouth Philharmonia Orchestra and includes music from Dvorak’s New World symphony and Tchaikovsky’s Concerto No 2. Tickets are £7.50 per adult - children are Free - and are available now.   

Quiz Time – your Quiz Brains had a rest in August but we’re back with a General Knowledge quiz and the closing date will be 10.00am on Wednesday 27th September.   I will be giving you a reminder of some dates for your diary later but right now I will remind you about the times for our coach excursion to Bucklers Hard and Setley Ridge on WEDNESDAY 13TH SEPTEMBER. The coach departs from the usual place at 9.00am and will leave Brockenhurst at 5.00pm for the return journey. We have at least 8 people on a cancellation list and it is just as disappointing for Brian and I that we cannot accommodate you all. Our excursions are very popular because they are not as expensive as the large Coach Companies and also you have the convenience of not having pick ups along the way, but in order to join us you have to BOOK EARLY because if the demand is there at that time we can put on 2 coaches.   

I’m spoilt for choice with the number of jokes I have been sent during August and they were nearly all clean!   A woman was frying eggs in the kitchen when her husband came running in, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter.” The wife startled by her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter. He shouted, “You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY. Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!” The wife concerned about her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs. “WE NEED BUTTER” Are you CRAZY? They’re going to stick.  HURRY!” The wife runs to the refrigerator. Her husband shouted, “CAREFUL, about the eggs, CAREFUL, you NEVER listen to me when you are cooking. Turn them quickly! Oh no, not that quickly. Don’t you know how to cook? TURN THE DAMN EGGS.” At that stage the wife starts to cry since she has no idea what to do. She gasps, “What is wrong with you, I know how to cook eggs.” The husband simply smiles and says, “I just wanted you to know what it feels like when I am driving with you in the car.”   

Apologies to all you blondes but this is quite amusing. A blonde walked into an electronics shop and said to the Salesman. “I want that TV.” The Salesman shook his head, “No, we don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde left the shop and came back with her hair dyed brown and said, “I’ll take that TV.” Again the Salesman said. “No, we don’t sell to blondes. So she left again but came back with her hair dyed black and said, “I want that TV.” But the Salesman still said, “No, we don’t sell to blondes.” Finally the blonde got fed up and said, “THAT’S IT, how did you know I was a blonde?” The Salesman answered, “Because that’s a microwave.”   

I have decided the time has come for me to move to a smaller place and to prepare for this I am selling some items of furniture and the first thing I sold was my kingsize bed which has a very large brass surround. I sold it very quickly and moved into the guests bedroom and then started to look for a double bed.  This was not as easy as I thought. I thought I would just choose a bed, pay for it and arrange delivery. I didn’t realise about all the extras involved. How can you be asked to pay for delivery? One shop, as well as charging for delivery, charged for it to be unwrapped and assembled. In the end I was lucky enough to find a family owned bedding shop in Portsmouth who delivered and assembled my chosen bed exactly 1 week after I ordered it.   

TURKEY & TINSEL 4TH TO 8TH DECEMBER – the Hotel have released some more rooms for this wonderful Pre-Christmas holiday BUT YOU NEED TO BOOK NOW. For those of you who have already booked, the balance of payment is now due on the 4th September. At that time you will be given the 2017 Entertainment Programme which looks really good and also some luggage labels.   

SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS at the Kings Theatre in Southsea on Tuesday 12th December starring Anita Harris and Melinda Messenger. Tickets including the coach are £27.00 per person. Please note it is an early evening performance and the coach will depart from the usual place (the road outside the Community Centre) at 4.45pm. BOOKINGS OPEN AT THE CENTRE AT 9.30AM ON THURSDAY 7TH SEPTEMBER.  (Oh Yes they do!)   

Full details of all our excursions are in the Excursion Book in Reception, but if you need further information when the Centre is closed, you are welcome to ring me on 02392469415 or Brian on 02392178602.   

I was in a unisex public toilet in London when I heard a voice from the next cubicle. He said, “Hi, how are you?”  Very embarrassed, I said, “I’m fine thank you.” The voice then said, “What are you up to?” Feeling even more embarrassed, I said, “Same as you.” He then said, “Can I come round?” Annoyed, I said, “No, I’m busy right now.” The voice then said, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back, there is an idiot next door answering all my questions.”   

One more date, our Stewards Autumn Coffee Morning is on Tuesday 3rd October at 10.00am. Look forward to seeing you there.   

Best Wishes,   

Cathy Kennealy